Helpful

Hello pips,
So this is today's blog is going to be about being helpful. I figured I should get it out of the way before I forget. Before I begin, I was reading Genesis yesterday then realised that the word cleave was used instead of cling. I thought well they mean similar things but curiously I looked up cleave and found an interesting meaning. "to be faithful to" . This is additional information to us. When I started thinking about helping a question came to mind. Who do responsibilities end and helping start? What I might call helping might be rsponsibility to someone else and vice versa. So on this topic there is no right or wrong; it's just one perspective on the topic. In marriage who decides what is helping or what individual responsibilities are? I know that in most families today, they share their financial obligations. Do people do the same with everything in the home? Is cooking naturally a woman's responsibility as well as cleaning and looking after the kids, ironing,washing, school run etc... I'm sure a lot of people would say yes to most of these questions. Let's look at this from the biblical angle for one moment. Gen 2:18 says And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him. So this means that a woman is designed to be a mans helper. Hmm interesting.

So knowing this, how is that a woman is then expected to do everything and the man offers help when it suits him? When you are dating you call yourselves partners. The man helps in the kitchen and tidies his house. The moment he says "I do" the scenario changes. How did this come about? Hmm. We know that love is helping, the question then is how and when do we help? The house belongs to two people. So do the kids; therefore why don't we work together? Why doesn't the first person to wake up get the kids ready? Not to say the other person takes advantage of this or you two work out what works for you: Make dinner arrangements, surprise yourselves, be spontaneous. Have a laugh whilst doing things. Make it fun. In a nut shell, I believe the home should be equal responsibilities because we are one. Food for thoughts. Adios..

Grand Finale on Love

So to conclude this topic is a short summary. Verse 7 says "Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things". What better way to summarise Love than this.beareth all things; not certain things just incase you are confused as to where to draw the line. Believeth all things; 100% trust in all they do. Hopeth all things. Hope in love and your ability to build a strong home for your family. This is what God says love is. If we follow them dillegently we are bound to live happily till death do us part. With this new insight, Love is not just a four letter word to me. But something I'd like to explore and learn about each day. I hope a few of us can say the same. That's all for now. This is just an extra bit. Full blog on tomorrow. Remain blessed.

Love Part 2

Hi everyone,

Hope we all had a good weekend. Well mine was fine went for Olympics fun day out with my fam.  All glory to God. So we are continuing with 1st Corinthians 13. We stopped at verse 4 yesterday.  So verse 5 begins by saying Love does not behave unseemly. Unseemly is defined as inappropriate for time and place. I cannot believe this is in the bible. I have read this chapter too many times and have not really given it much thought. I know this one because I have experienced it myself: so I was out with my h and I do it sometimes. We raise our voices at our partners in public. But reading this now is giving me a different insight because now we know it is wrong. Making someone feel embarrassed or feel bad in public by things we say or do isn't love. The next bit quotes "seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked and thinketh no evil". So love is not selfish, meaning your partner should be your reasons. Reason yo u wake uo in the morning, reason you eat, reason you go to work and reason you go to bed. I like the sound of that. Love is not easily provoked; my suggestion for this one is to smile always, think how you would feel if it was you in that situation. Lastly, thinketh no evil. We each have to understand what  evil is and what our minds create as evil. It's amazing what we think in our heads all in the name of  no own would know. I tell you now; God knows and your thoughts are what he takes to be what you want . Please do not ruin another's life by thinking evil.

Moving on to verse 6 says love rejoice not in iniquity but rejoiceth in truth. I don't know much about this but I will try my best. In the world we live in today, sinful things are now becoming normal practice. I.e: infidelity is seen as something normal and to be accepted. I guess it is more about accepting our mistakes and not making excuses when we know right out that wrong. Also standing for the truth because only then would we experience true love. I know most of us may find ourselves in situations where pressure  makes us do things that are wrong. I tell you today in your quiet time pls ask God for forgiveness and directions and apologise to your spouse whom you have wronged because they are not just ur better half; you both have become one (Gen2:24) . Next is sleekest not her own.first thing that comes to mind is supporting your spouse to pursue their dreams. So question is how many of us know what our spouse's dreams are?  If we support each other to find what makes us happy, we would always be happy with each other and appreciate one another. The only way to do this is to talk to each other. Find time when you both can seat alone and just have a friendly chat. I would say this should be done early in the relationship but eh better late than never. I have also found that talking puts two people on the same page instead of living on assumptions. Financially, physically, spiritually, mentally and with achievements. That's all folks. Till we meet again. Remain Blessed.

Love

Hello my people, hope everyone had a good week? That you are reading this means u are still hanging there. No matter what the devil throws at you just remember that the bible tells us in Galatians 6:9 And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. So hang in there. Today we are going to talk about LOVE. A word I cannot tell you I understand fully so I will go by the bible and try and see how we can apply what it says to our reality. So nothing defines love more than 1st Corinthians 13. Here we go; verse 1-3 tells us that if we have all the skills and talent and sacrifice ourselves without love, we profit nothing. So in marriage this means that your qualifications and achievements do not count in the home. Hmm, very interesting because I have heard phrases like he/she is up to my standard intellectually. This excuse is sometimes used to justify infidelity. Verse 3 talks about giving ones self for sacrifice; all I can think of here is if we become philanthropists to the world and treat ouw spouses like trash, there is no reward there. This is quite common and now I think about it "funny". As the old adage goes " charity begins at home". How easy is it for you to be out with your spouse and think "if only they behaves like this at home, or spoke to me with such respect and love? If you are on the giving side of this matter, please have a rethihk.

Verse 4 says "love suffereth long and is kind. Envieth not; vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. I don't know if there is a reason why it starts with ENDURANCE but personally, I believe endurance plays a very important role in marriage. This is because in marriage, you will need to endure things that maybe would kick you off on a good day. Because marriage is a learning institution, it is very important for us to endure things our partners would do in the name of love. Next is KINDNESS. So the dictionary definitions is someone who is indulgent, considerate and helpful. Very nice words don't you think? This is making sense to me now. To show kindness you have to portray these three characters. So love means to indulge your partner, be considerate towards their faults and mistakes and to be helpful. Helpful to me is a topic we need to explore on it's own. But for now let us sleep on this. To be contd.... Have a blessed week ahead may the God of all peace grant us all peace IJN.

Third Party input

Hello people, sorry for the delay. Today's blog would be short cos there isn't much to say on this topic but as the Bible says "he that hath an ear let him hear. So third party can come in different forms: friends family,colleagues and strangers. Not all of these people would mean harm but the truth is only God can direct you on the right action to take or the right thing to say. Some may say "if it where me" it isn't them;others "when this sort of thing happened to me" you don't know the facts of their situation. Advice is very easy to give but majority of the time; people do not practice what they preach. The person giving the advice only knows your part of the story and to be truthful, when we narrate a situation; we only say what suits us. Whereas if we were talking to the all knowing God he would know the truth therefore able to minister the Roth path to our hearts. Unless we refuse to listen for selfish purposes.

God ministers to our hearts a lot of times but we fail to listen or hear him. Stand in awe, and sin not: commune with your own heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. (Psalm 4:4 KJV). This is how God communicates with us. What you call instinct is actually God talking to you. Only you and God know what is best for you. Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near: (Isaiah 55:6 KJV). The bible gives us simple instructions to follow. The next time you are confused about anything, take it to the Lord in pray because he cares for you. Even if someone offers you advice, ask God for his directions. I have found myself giving advise and when I though about it, it didn't seem like the right one so I called the person the next day to tell them. I thought to myself"would I really do this if it was me" and the answer was NO. That's it for now. So I don't start blabbing. Goodnight to all.

Consequences

Hi all, writing about maturity got me thinking.growing up in Africa a marriage was only bad if a man beat his wife or if one party is unfaithful. Now I have come to understand that people are faced with different types of abuse in a marriage. Emotional,verbal and financial are types that can be found in a marriage. Emotional abuse comes in the form of saying or doing things that would belittle the other person. If you abuse your partner in any form please stop because it hurts more coming from the one you love. What we need to do is have a little more patience with each other, think before we speak, help each other out, talk to each other about everything and show love in more ways than we do now. The consequences of our words and actions would be seen in our kids in the near future. To them we can't do wrong. Let's adopt 1st Corinthians 13:4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up. What tells us that God has plans for every aspect of our lives including marriage? We hide under selfishness and ego when none of that really matters. I will stop here because I wrote a second part but it didn't save and I can't remember it word for word so sorry guys. See u soon..

Age Vs Maturity

Hello everyone, hope all is well? With the Olympics on the way this whole town is chaotic. Travelling takes almost double the usual time. It's killing me cos I'm coming home extra tired which I can do without. Before I start with today's topic, I am glad to tell you that anyone can leave a comment now. Hurray... Until today, I used to always say age was a big factor in marriage. However after a long telephone conversation to a close family, we decided that maturity and not age was the important factor. Whether your partner is one day or fifty years older or younger than you doesn't matter. What matters is their level of maturity. My daily reading for yesterday said "if you want a mature partner, you have to be mature yourself. Basically, whatever you want in your partner should first reflect in you. If we take time to think and make notes of what we expect from our partners; the first question would then be " would they see these traits in me? If you take on this approach, we wouldn't expect the undoable from our partners.

It's simply a matter of do unto others as you want others to do unto you or what the bible says to remove the dirt in your eyes before you see the one in your neighbours. Luke 6:41. this takes me back to one of my early blogs about dwelling on both strengths and not weaknesses. Your wife can clean but not cook and you on the other hand know a thing or two about cooking; why don't you work something out? Your husband leaves his clothes about but takes out the rubbish on time and gets the kids ready ontime. Wow why don't we compromise? These little things are so irrelevant but once you start counting, it can destroy good things. It goes from hmm yesterday he/ she did this, to today he/ she did not do that. All that really matters is how you guys decide to live together and raise your family because your folks have done the best they can and it is now up to you both to learn from each other. So that's all for today and hope this helps someone. Aurovior all. Look forward to next blog on third party damages. Remain blessed.

Virtuous Woman Vs Abokoku?

Hi everyone, I hope I am keeping you guys interested in these blogs? The topic today is an interesting one and as you may have guessed; my inspiration comes from real live experiences. I had a conversation today and the word abokoku (I would die for my husband) came up.during the course of the day I kept thinking if women know the difference between being a virtuous woman and abokoku. So I thought hmm why don't we try and see if we can compare the two. What do I understand by the word virtuous? Here we go: loving, caring, peace loving. I searched on the Internet and this came up under virtuous woman in marriage. "a virtuous woman respects her husband and does him good all the days of her life. She is trustworthy and a helpmeet". At this point I am thinking, it takes both parties to decide if a woman is virtuous because; how will a woman know if she is trustworthy or any of these things? So men if you recognise these traits in your wife please appreciate her and tell her once in a while. I also got these bible portions for further reading. (Provs 31:11-12,23,28. 1st Peter 3, Eph 5 and Gen 2:18). So this is how God wants women to be with their husbands. We are not talking about doing one of these things and ignoring the rest or doing all but one. So if you are doing all these things then more grease to your elbow. Because I am also learning from this blog and hoping to practice what I preach. So if you are a praying woman and wondering where things are going wrong, please check that you are doin all these things right and God will be your help in time of need. So to all the women reading this, before you do or say anything to your husband.ask yourself this; am I being a virtuous woman? If not you will just be surviving your marriage. The thing with surviving is one day you wake up and find out you can't do it anymore or you want more out of your life. Nothing is too hard for God to do and it is never too late. So to the abokoku women; God did not design marriage for you to die for it. In this life, we can deceive everyone but not yourself. When you look in the mirror, user the truth, when you drive alone in ur car; you hear the truth. Put God first in your marriage and he will perfect your weaknesses. Because I intend to from henceforth. When you pray to him in secret, he will reward you openly. Ciao all see yah soon.

Count your blessings

I was just wondering hy people don't turn to God about their relationships. Whatever we believe in, God intended for us to be happy in our marriages. I found this verse in the bible. Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High: And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. (Psalm 50:14, 15 KJV. You don't need anyone to pray for your marriage or speak to your spouse. The all knowing God is offering himself to us. All we need to do is ask and give him a chance. I say give him a chance because whilst some people pray about their marital problems, they do not give him a chance to help them. Pride and ega take over them and they act in ways they regret later.we start saying things like "if I don't do this they will think I'm a fool or if I ignore this they will do it again. We are all humans and make mistakes. If we let God direct us, we will know when to speak and when to be quiet. When to react and when to let go. In marriage these things are very important. Things I used to make a big deal about when I just got married are things I laugh about now. When you know your husband doesnt lift the sit up; why don't you put it up when you finish? Why should he be the one to put it down? If your partner takes things and puts them some where else; why don't you ask? If fortunately you have a husband like mine who never remembers where he puts stuff, you have to become a detective. It doesn't take anything. I always ask my husband to put the toaster away when not in use and I kept repeating myself for months. I started feeling like a nagging wife; so I spent time thinking of what to do and it came to me to stop complaining. From then on, when I see the toaster out, I pack it up. One afternoon, my husband meets me in the kitchen and says "you haven't noticed that you don't complain about the toaster anymore? You didn't even commend me. I burst out laughing and had to tell him the real reason. He goes really? The point of this story is sometimes people mean to do something but get carried away by other things. Especially when it's something they are not used to. Toutzien. Remain blessed.

Communication

Hi all, hope everyone is having a good weekend? It's raining mad here and I'm suppose to be hosting a BBQ. Let's see Wat the day holds. I hope you are not getting bored of me yet? Nyhoo here I come again. So we will be looking at communication today. One thing I have learnt today is that communication is very important in all aspects of out lives. Information that is not communicated properly will lead to a lot of misunderstanding thus brew I'll feelings.if you can imagine how hard it is to always communicate properly with your parents, sibblings and friend that you have known for years?how much more a person you have known for a short while? Communication in a relationship is very important because it help you understand the actions or words of the other person. Lack of communication means you dwell on assumptions as to why something was said or done. This is not healthy because animosity begins to build and this causes walls between you. Sometimes if someone is feeling hurt or upset, they might say or do things to hurt their partner. Sometimes this is not meant. Talking about issues no matter how painful they are will enable both parties move on. He is putting up a face; I don't know what I did. ASK. She has been giving me the silent treatment; what have I done now? ASK. Relationships are about understanding each other to find the best way to co habit. Why not ask questions when you don't understand things in other to grow stronger? I hope people can comment on this in other for us to explore this topic further. Till we meet again. Adios.

No one is Perfect

When I was younger, I used to think that I would like to be like my gran mother because she managed to stay with my gran father until he died. I liked the fact that she was patient and tolerant. Now I think about it; although patience and tolerance are two very important virtues needed in marriage, one has to evaluate the reason for tolerance. If its for a good reason then it's all good but if not? Hmm.. I could tolerate basic habits like leaving the toilet seat down,leaving the iron unplugged and so on. However, when it comes to serious stuffs like insults, disrespect, hitting, cheating and whatever else we can do to hurt each other. I don't think tolerance very much cuts it. My approach to a difficult situation is first to let it pass. Let both party let steam out and calm down. Then I would bring it up in a civilised way and calmly tell you what you did or said that hurt me and how I w old prefer us to have handled the matter. This works for light quarrels and small matters but for cheating; to each his own. I don't think this approach would work because I would be furious and I just cannot imagine being calm about it. Truthfully, the purpose of this blog is people to start being true to themselves. I mean I don't expect you to tell me your secrets but use this as a channel to start putting things right around you. With yourself, partner,kids, family and friends. Phillipians 4:8 Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. (Philippians 4:8 KJV). Patience is needed in marriage when you are upset and about to blow up. Take yourself out of the situation for a moment and think. Would I regret anything I say now? Would my words or actions cause more harm than good? And would I be the one apologising at the end of the day? If the answer to these questions are yes, you need to backup and let it slide to be brought up another day. You might be thinking at this point " easy for her to say" I would say "there is no harm in trying". Communication is important in marriage. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath: (James 1:19 KJV) So at this point I say ourovior. Stay blessed

Fear of the unknown

I am sitting here asking myself so many questions. What if people don't read my blog? What if I don't succeed in this? Then I read something from Tyler Perry about not giving up on your dream. That's my inspiration. I was hoping that through comments I will be able to pick topics. Based on this I will be talking of some of the reasons people get married. From my first comment, the writer said "may God grant us the patience to wait for what is ours". people get married because of pressure from family, friends, because they fall pregnant, because they feel indebted to the other person and so on. The problem with all these reasons is they are all the wrong reasons. If you accept to get married and a few years down the line you find out it's not enough what happens then? You get married because you fall pregnant, wouldn't it be better to be a single mother of one and find the right person who will love you for who you are than a single mother of three or four with no support and only resentment towards yourself and others? You get married because your mates and friends are all married with kids. Who loses when you realise you are married to the wrong person and you both cannot tolerate each other; the only way out is a divorce? I can go on all night but the point I'm trying to make is that the consequences of marrying the wrong person is not worth it when all you have to do is be patient and prayerful and you will meet the rib of your body or the body to your rib. Psalm 40 vs 5 says Gods thoughts towards us cannot be reckoned with. So why do we think he would like for us to be unhappy in our relationships? Goodnight all.

Novice

Sorry guys I was really looking forward to comments but being a novice @ dis it's expected. Early days eh. I know a lot of u have got stuffs to say and hopefully with time we'll be good. So after pondering on some of these questions, I came up with some thoughts. So as an old saying goes " marriage is an institution we do not hurry to graduate from". With this in mind; the first thing I learnt about marriage is that there is no wrong way. Bearing in mind that you both come from different backgrounds and upbringings, you will have different views in life. So why don't we use these differences as strengths rather than weaknesses? Why don't we work and use our strengths to build our home rather than tear each other down? So I cook, you clean or better still; you keep me company in the kitchen and we do the cleaning together. I hear people laughing now. More like in your dreams. Didn't the bible say a man would leave his mother and father and CLING to his wife? Why do we think the word used is CLING?? Ponder ponder. See you guys soon.. Over and out.

The Beginning

Hello people, so I was thinking this morning; growing up men & women seem to have pre conceived image of the kind of partner they want to marry. From the caring, comfortable, rich partner; to the God fearing submissive and homely one. So my question again is wherE do we go wrong? Is it that there are no good people out there? Does everyone deceive their partner whilst dating? If you are a Christian and you want a God fearing partner; you need to first of all be right with God. If you are not right with God, he will not grant your hearts desire. People serve God in different ways and many deceive others but within one's self, you know the truth. Let's start from the beginning. We meet someone, what attracts us to this person? Are they physical or personality attributes? The answer to this first question will determine if you are with the right person or not. The next step is when you feel you are in love. The ALL MIGHTY word LOVE. Next question, why do you love them? Looks, money, smartness, cooking, behaviour towards others? The list goes on. My next question is; is love enough? One reason is not enough to spend the rest of your life with someone. Life throws a million challenges your way once married that even that one reason you married that person would not be enough to hold it. Let me leave you yet again to ponder on these questions. See yah nd takia.

Intro ( marriage)

Hi everyone, I'm starting this blog because some black marriages around me are failing and I know it's not what either of the couples intended when they said "I do". This got me thinking about this very important institution that we should be happy in. Where do things go wrong? What are we missing? And what do we know about marriage before we venture into it? The way we are married is usually moulded by our views of marriage. I would like to know other views of marriage around the African spectrum. My family portrays a long line of polygamy. However this does mean I plan or want to be in one. Growing up I read a lot of western novels that gave me a different perspective of marriage. A lecturer once told me in my first year that I wouldn't have values at that stage of my life because I didn't have a lot of factual evidence to back my values. True that but three years after I am beginning to build my values. In today's world, before you get married you spend sometime with your partner. This time can vary from 1week to ten years. Though my question is does it really matter how long you know someone? Can you really know the truth about someone in a week or ten years? Let's ponder on these question till we see again tomorrow.