Fear

Hello guys, I have recently discovered that fear does a lot of damages in our lives. Last year I went through a phase where it took the grace of God to get me out and then i realised that fear was controlling and ruining my life.  In marriages,  we fear what people would say and do that we end up missing the point. Is anyone going to be in the marriage with you?  We are only accountable to God so why do we let people play god in our lives?

Whilst being afraid of what others think about our marriage, we end up hurting the ones we claim to love and start building walls that cannot be broken easily. I have written about forgiveness inthe past and that is the greatest weapon in a marriage.  One person earns more than the other,  so what? You are partners so why not put your hands together and plan?  How many people come and ask who is the higher earner? 

If you have such friends you need to rethink that friendship.  Your partner should be your best friend,  gossip partner everything. If your partner offends you,  take it to God in prayers.  As humans we tend to make a big deal about little things.  Before sleeping angry ask yourself if you didn't wake up next to your partner how would you feel.  Life is too short so we need to leatn to really show love always and live at peace with all especially our better half.  One day at a time. God bless

To Each His Own

Something has been on my mind lately and it has made me more grateful to God.  I really cannot say my marriage successes has been my doing.  This blovs have always been about the role God plays in marriages.  With so many failed marriages and broken relationships,  I have to say it can only be God.  No woman goes into a marriage with the intention of getting a divorce. Regardless of what people think or how a woman behaves,  nothing prepares anyone for the pains and emotional traumas that come with it.

I use to wonder why women stay in bad marriages but i gues the question of "what is the other option" plays in. People need to know that you need God before the marriage not when things have gone wrong. I believe that God can change people but I also believe a stich in time saves nine. Meeting a man in church doesn't mean he would be God fearing or a woman. You need to identify your reason for wanting a person,  understand their short comings and build a partnership.  Talk about everything,  share everything and plan together.

I think Christians need to challenge the devil and do things right.  There are no grey areas for a true Christian. Its either black or white regardless of whether you are caught or not.  Trust and respect are very important in every relationship. If you respect your partner you would not cheat or lie to them. Always remember that they are your partners and better half.  One and one equals one.

First Years, Worst Years

So I have been with my husband for nine years and marries for five anx i have been doing a lot of thinking. The early years was full of arguments and fights.  A lot of conflict and misunderstanding. There were times i thought "how do people grow old in this" it has taken us years of prayers and commitment to get to where we are.  People say they marry for love but i can tell you that true love doesn't come until after you have passed through certain trials and see different sides of your partner to say you truly love them. I still say strongly that marriage cannot work without God.

It has taken the Holy Spirit to help me understand that we are on the same side.  The enemy is the devil.  Once i passed through a phase that God helped me overcome fear that I realised that the devil uses fear to steal our joy.  Fear of how your partner would react,  what they would say and others.  For me the Holy Spirit renewed my mind and I began to think well he wouldn't kill me so what the hell.  With this trust started to grow and our reactions to situations started to change. I have seen a man show me love when i was pregnant,  supported me through my studies, be a father, husband and head of my home. Now i can boldly say I'm madly in love with my husband.  When we are apart thoughts of him makes me smile.

As my kids ard growing, I am happy that they have a man like him in their lives and we have all grown together in this wonderful school of life. I watch my son look after his sisters and females around him.  It could only be God. Pray for the guidance of God in your life.

Mr Romantic

Hi guys so today's talk is just me thinking. Over the years inter racial relationships has surged. Not that I have any problem with it. It's just that so many things in life are changing but our African men are not. I was just thinking of how some African men are so romantic and loving but some just don't have a clue. Birthdays, anniversaries, dinners and just occasional compliments. A typical African man is so full of ego that they end up loosing all they care about. Whilst we pray for a good partner we need to also pray to be good partners. Both women and men like a bit of romance and affection.

For me this is where God comes in. In order to feel 100% love you need God. Back to my TV programmes; I see two sisters dating the same guy or one guy dates a circle of friends. Believe me it's not just on the TV alone. It's happening in our society. I mean where do we draw the line? How have we thrown all morality out the window? I get so confused and wonder what it will be like for our kids. True love only comes from God. He will make you love that one person, the one to always make you smile. Make you happy and make you stronger. I read of gay couples growing everyday and I think to myself how do you blame them? The world is full of liars and deceitful people. They are everywhere, especially in churches. You go and think "I should find a nice God fearing person here" but you end up with a monster. Like there is only so much pain anyone can take. Although at this point I would also argue that if you are right with God he will always guide you to the right path. So I believe that we need to pray for our marriages and relationships as we would for healing, breakthrough or deliverance. At the end of the day, he knows our beginning and end, he knew us before we were formed.

I will finish this with a prayer. Father in heaven, as we thrive to know and love each day, please perfect all that concerns us. Let your Holy Spirit guide and lead us in the right path as you make us into your own. Teach us not to lean on our own understanding but in all things turn to you first in the name of Jesus I pray. Amen

What is love

Hi all, before I go into today's topic, during a conversation a friend said that relationships were like dealing with kids; sometimes you need to give incentives. So that's a talk for another day I just need to research the bible. So back to the point. I watch a lot of movies and all and you see people fall in and out of love like they are changing shoes. As Africans, we also use the word love loosely. Imagine how many guys/girls you tell you love before you get married. The bible tells us that God is love. In fact it amazes me that marriage is the one part of our lives that we keep God out of. We say I love you to get what you want:money, gifts, sex, favours, positions and other things. To find perfect love, we need to seek God first and he will fix every other part of our lives.

How can you love someone today and move on so easily? Living in the western world I have come to learn that when two people start a relationship, they agree they are interested in each other and see as it goes. They can be in that relationship without using the word love. They build their friendship and then decide if they love each other. Thinking back to my past relationships, I used the word love so much without understanding. Now I'm married I look back and laugh. As my relationship with God grows, he teaches me to love my husband unconditionally, to understand his flaws and to forgive everything. I mean I couldn't have made it this far without God. My husband prays with me, listens to me and supports me. Love is not just a word. 1st Corinthians 13 tells us all about love. Love is a feeling, it comes when you are apart from someone and just thinking about them makes you smile.

I don't get why people can't love; love unconditionally with any strings attached. Love is not a business transaction. You don't always get something back. Love is pure, patient, kind. You can only truly love one person so pls ask God to bring them to you. Till we meet again Odabo

Benefits of Marriage

God loves marriages,  a phrase that we all hear often but i have never known so.  So I began to reflect and study the bible.  God made the woman to be the mans helper.  After giving him dominion over all he created,  he gave him someone to unwind with. Some may be thinking "well Eve led him to sin"  hey water under the bridge lol.  Anyway God saw Adam and Sarah live happily.  Adam loving Sarah and Sarah loving,  respecting and honouring him. With feminism today some women think. That having these triats is a sign of weakness.  I believe respect is a two way string. If your partner respects you please return it.  The Bible didn't tell us of Abraham treating Sarah badly.

Secondly,  I was thinking,  man and woman get married. Live a godly life,  support each other,  build a family and all help each other.  If all Christian families lived like this, i think God would feel acomplished.  Sincr ghe fall of man,  God has been trying to find a way to lead all humans to salvation but we are always faced with challenges.  If we can all put an effort into living godly lives.

Gender roles have changed recently and i was reading 1st Peter 3: 1-8 using amplified bible and the first verse talks of women being submissive to their husband as dependants.  I couldnt help but think wow how do you argue this today where women are equals and some are bread winners?  I don't know what to say here but moving on. Verse 7 goes on to tell the men to live considerately with their wives acknowledging them as the weaker vessel.  So weaker vessels eh,  no offence to ladies but how is it that once married women are expected to do all the chores and errands?  Back to reflecting.

I have tried to keep my personal life away from this blog but my husband has been a support. We do chores together and we enjoy it because we talk and have a laugh whilst cleaning,  cooking or doing the laundry. Just to show in this day and age. My final conclusion is that God loves marriage because he want to see teo people from different backgrounds come together and face worlds challenges together.  Holding each other when one is down or weak and achieving their bests together not to talk of raising beautiful kids that we can teach about God.  Till we meet again go and do right. Remain blessed.

Mr/ Mrs Right

Hello again,  I hope you all are enjoying these blogs? So todayd topic got me thinking,  growing up we are told the characteristics of a good partner.  The woman had to cook, clean,  make and train babies and a lot more. The man has to provide for his family and.....  Thats all i csn think of right now.  Anyway, where do all these come from?  I understand the bible says the man has to work hard before he eats: the bible also tells us about women who worked hard and were strong.

For me the solution to finding the right person is being the right person.  If we abide by the bible and live godly lives,  I think we are bound to end up with the right person.  Looking back to the bible,  people didn't force about these things.  They didn't worry about anything.  I think if we use all the technologies and changes in a positive way the world would be a better place eventually.

Little drops of water makes a mighty ocean. Please let us all try to be a drop of water. Adios my people and God bless.

Right Choice

Hello friends,  today we are going to talk about finding the right partner.  When we are ready to settle down,  do we look up to God or lean on our own understanding? According to the Bible in Genesis chapter 24 from verse13 downwards when Abraham wanted a wife for Isaac he sent his servant to go and get a wife and all he asked him to do was to ask God for a sign. The servant had faith in God. What kind of faith and trust do we have in God? Do we trust him to always do right by us or do we think that certain decisions are best made by ourselves?  I believe that since marriage was ordained by God it is only fair for him to be the person to go to for the right partner.

In the world today people struggle to find the right person full stop some people go through a lot of heartbreak and pain just found the right person.  In the olden days, this was not a problem and I think it should be better in this times because we have the Holy Spirit to guide us. The big question therefore is why do people still struggle to find the right person? why are we not trusting in God? when the Bible clearly tell us not to trust on our own understanding.

It may seem old fashioned but if it worked then, why not give it a try? it may work for you. God is near and waiting for us just to ask. why not trust in him today and ask him for the right partner flesh of your flesh bone of your bone and body for your ribs or ribs for your body he loves us and wants us to enjoy A Life full of joy,  peace and laughter.

Sex before Marriage

Hello readers,  the topic today has almost become as extinct as the dinosaur.  With all the other changes that we have come to accept,  we have just shoved it under the carpet.  More and more parents are failing to instil this quality in their children.  In the past when it was taught, it was mainly girls that were told "keep your virginity for the man you marry.  1st thessalonians 4:3 & Acts 15:20, tell us to abstain from fornication.

When people say nothing is new under the sun.  It is not applicable to Christians.  This is because once born again,  we are new in Christ.  Therefore we need to strive to be holy.  I use the word "strive"  because it is not an easy way.  Phillipians 4:13 tells us that we can do all things through Christ. 

Really apart from the biblical consequences,  lets be real here. If a lady said to a guy,  oh I am keeping myself for my wedding night.  That guy would make that wedding happen fast but where he gets it,  he would court the lady for years and sometimes end up not marrying her. There are also health implications and a lot more.  Not forgetting that there are guys out there who nay deceive ladies still under abstainance. 

The key is to always put God first in all you do.  A question that bothers me is why do we not tell our male children about this abstainance?  Are their bodies not also a temple of God?  If you think it is okay for a man to fornicate then whose daughters are they to defile?  Abstainance is applicable to both parties and should be encouraged because the devil is winning a lot of battles today.

As I always say you can only get it right with God and to end it I will recommend 1st Corinthians 6:13- end.  God bought your body with his sons blood. Please respect it.  Adios

Forgiveness

Forgiveness, let's start by ask why forgiveness is important in a marriage. The bible lays a few emphasis on forgiveness generally so I will take the common one from the Lord's Prayer that we recite daily. Matthew 6:12. We say this prayer everyday but most of us refuse to apply it. Who is it that is without sin? Mark 11:6 also tells us that if we do not forgive, our father also will not forgive. So whilst holding a grudge; you are withholding your blessings also. Howbeit this applies to life generally, it is important in a marriage because God already promised in Proverbs 18:22 that he that finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from him. So where you should be reaping your blessings you start to set yourself back. Let us remember that Gen 2:24 already told us that once married two has become one. One in God and Christ . Would you hold a grudge against yourself?

Couples need to start understanding that once married you become one. You look out for each other, support each other, pray together and carry each other. Where Ephesians 5:22 tells women to submit to their husbands,verse 24 tells men to look after their wives and look after them without blemish or spot. I can only imagine what God would like marriage to look like. People make people make forgiveness look difficult however forgiveness gives you freedom and peace. When you forgive, God is happy with you and blesses you.

If you love someone, it should not be hard to let go. It goes beyond verbal confessions, it has to come from the heart. So even where the other party has not repented, it is for you to continue to forgive in obedience to God. Bearing in mind that forgiveness is about personal freedom; therefore sometimes you may have to leave that situation for your own peace.

In a nutshell, I believe if you love someone you would not do something that the other would not be able to forgive. Love your partner as you love yourself. Odejuma

For Better for Stay; For Worse for Go

In Africa nothing prepares us for marriage but that's not true. The vows we make on our wedding does. From when your partner is sick, to the unfortunate event of a life long illness or disease; you did say "in sickness and in health". Not to mention " for richer or poorer" and when things get financially tough we say" I wasn't cut out for this". Financial difficulties can either make a marriage or break it. Let's start with the positive side. A couple start from scratch together, support each other and watch each other grow. They learn to love one another unconditionally and value themselves. My marriage was one like this; my hubby supported me through college whilst having kids at the same time. At a point I was jealous he was spending more time with the kids. I valued this because I had been in past relationships that didn't allow me think of my future. That said

We move to the negative. Sometimes financial difficulties put pressure on couples and bring out the worst in them. Depending on what sides come out; they can either get through it or end it. In past blogs I have said cheating was the deal breaker for me. Wiser and more experience for me, now I will say cheating and any form of abuse is it for me. All forms of abuse are as bad and I tell you" God ordained marriage for good things. Genesis 2:24 tells it all. You cannot love someone and cause them pain. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership, companionship and bond. The both of you against the world. Nothing or nobody should come between you.

Our second vow is "In sickness and in health" The reason I believe prayer is necessary before marriage is because the future is not known to us but God knows our tomorrow. You want to marry someone who will be there through thick and thin. No one prays for illnesses or accidents but they happen.when faced with these challenges, being with someone who loves you can make a big difference. No face value love but real Godly live. Someone who will carry your cross with you. If you don't love your partner truest you won't be able to stay with them in difficult times. Your only guarantee to a successful marriage is to walk with God because when our strength fails us, he will carry us.